Dear Diary

Dear Diary

 

My name is Wanda and I am very unhappy. I am staying next door to (5th) Chislehurst (Invicta) and I am not appreciated. I am very colourful; I have a smiley face (although it's very small) and am very slim; some call me a little rigid. Sometimes I am kicked. I have been trodden on, ignored and left out in the rain.

 

However, whilst I am not very happy with the guides, I have made friends with the scouts next door. And so it was, on Wednesday, I was liberated, under cover of darkness, very, very early - secreted away in Skip's ruck sack and taken on a trip to London.

 

It was wonderful; never before have I felt so alive. I was taken absolutely everywhere, then I slipped away...

 



First stop, the Ministry of Defence, where I reported the guides next door for international terrorism...

Then to Horseguards where I asked if they could send a regiment to take on the guides...

A little rest in St James' Park where someone used me to dry out a shoe (not necessarily the owner's) after they had been a little too close to the lake...I was happy to be of service...

Then I met a Gurka who said that he would pop along in the afternoon to let the guide leaders' tents down (again)...

Then it was along the Mall to Buckingham House. Her Majesty wasn't in but I managed to speak to a Lady in Waiting on a matter "of great importance" to myself and my friends - captive slavery...

I was taken down Piccadilly where I knew I would find some ex-servicemen to offer some advice on what I now felt was the right time....World Domination of "Wandas". After all, there are enough of us - several million around the world, all different shapes and sizes...

Next I decided to take a nap by the Serpentine. By now I was in control..."No, I won't pay for a deckchair!" The attendant tried to evict me but he didn't reckon on my World Power that I was amassing...I have a pointy end...his demise was speedy...

With the kitchen staff no more I liberated the café. Mocha coffee (£2.60), double-choc muffins (£1.90), all paninis @ £3.80, waffles, rib eye steak and chips, not forgetting the whole gelateria...were all now free...

I kidnapped a policeman (although he didn't seem to bothered about it). I am in control of the police; I now consider that I have more power than the Home Secretary...

Wellington seemed to me to want to be a friend...so I knocked on his door - there was no one in. It seemed I wasn't garnering the support that I was expecting...

I decided to arm myself with boulders...they didn't have anything suitable in stock so I thought I would have a burger; but the queue was too long so I moved on...

At Burlington Arcade a I told a friendly man in a funny uniform of my quest for World Domination. He told me that the best thing to do was to go back to camp and say sorry...

I 'phoned the guides to say sorry and please come and get me...I couldn't get through...

I found the scouts and pleaded..."Take me back to camp, my quest for World Domination is at an end." They took me to Covent Garden to buy  the guide leaders some flowers. Unfortunately they were 33 years too late...

However, the scouts did take pity on me. They bought me a nice mug and then took me back to camp where I was sneaked back into my place once the sun had gone down. But not until I had told they scouts a story before bedtime about "Wanda, the Wicked Welly-Peg". No-one slept last night I can tell you!

If you liked my Dear Diary, email your friends this website address so that the World can appreciate me. We're getting over 100 hits a day...but we want millions! And don't forget to leave a comment...

Wanda, the Welly-Stick xxx